Have you ever come-to, in unfamiliar surroundings, groggy,
trying desperately to focus, asking,
stunned to realize you’d been in an accident?
Perhaps not literally, but figuratively?
This month, this time I’ve put all things cyber aside, I was hit by a freight train and until this weekend, I didn’t even know it. Let’s be real. I didn’t want to know it. That’s always the way it is, isn’t it?
All I can say is (well o.k I’ll say a little more), be careful what you ask this Universe for, because man oh man you better be willing to ante up and take the shift that’ll hit the proverbial fan as you are blown toward your deepest desires.
When I considered how I would even begin to convey all that has transpired and what relevance it might have to you, I knew a listing of the crazy just wouldn’t suffice.
First, it may not seem crazy to you, because this isn’t your gig.
Second, what good would that do you?
Let’s face it even if you love me, a little or a lot or want to just because you’ve come to know a little of my story,
you still sure as hell don’t want nobody’s crazy, or at least you shouldn’t.
And so I give it to ya like this…
The Gem Gleaned from the Shift and a little background for context.
Hold on for the ride, maybe you’ve been bobbing or soaring through some Whammo experiences yourself and will discover your truth reflected here too.
On my recent retreat, Ajahn Punnadhammo, the Buddhist master, was giving a riveting talk that my 6 year-old son and I drank in like cold lemonade on a scorcher.
“As a young monk in training I was coming to terms with the concept in Buddhism that there is no I, that situations and life flow and cannot be served by my attachment to them. In this there can only be suffering. And so I tacked a sign to a tree that I passed by each morning on my meditation walk that read, “Not Me, Not Mine” as a reminder.”
I considered this as I looked to my son who gazed intently. Was he really not mine? I mean, in my belief, I know he isn’t my possession, but lent to us by God for a time. I get he is his own soul and often far wiser than I, but what does this mean to my role as his Mother?
Over the last six weeks we have averaged at least 1 trip to emerg per week, Nathaniel with the cold sore near his eye, the following week Liam with four stitches in his head, a week after that, Nathaniel with one stitch in his chin and one round of the stomach flu for good measure. This all happened despite the fact that they are in my constant sight (for the most part, although the blood curdling scream always seems to come from the other room), despite my warnings, despite their coordination, our healthy diet and basic positive outlook on life.
And so Wham, I SEE.
Life happens, with or without my permission and I am the better, the more, for flowing in peace, and love and without attachment. “Not Me, Not Mine.” I love and let go, trusting that I will know when to assist, how to comfort, exactly the right amount of boo-boo kisses to administer and then… I will Let Go. Because for me, I am able to live more clearly and freely knowing we are not alone and that when I cannot be in charge, God most certainly is, regardless of the outcome and He knows and delivers only LOVE.
Cause the Universe knows your Heart Even Better Than YOU.
Todd and I sat down and wrote out our 5-year plan, the trips, the purchases, the savings, the investments, the contributions. We had it all figured out. Because hey, Todd now had his dream job and things were solid. I had just taken on two new clients and they signed contracts, and things were solid. (Can you hear God giggling?)
Literally, 1 week later, Todd found out that the parent company he works for would be shutting down the Thunder Bay campus. The Canadian president from Toronto arrived in his doorway and Todd had this hunch he wasn’t there for a budget meeting. Two weeks later I got a phone call from my client, yes I said ‘phone call’ although we live in the same city. She let me know that, despite our signed 6-month contract, our personal relationship and the fact that she felt up until this point I had served her well, she was done, her personal coaching as well as the business contract she had with me. She was done, just done. That minute.
Okay, what now? Ahhh, perhaps some, maybe even many, might be shaken by this. After all we were on year 10 of ebbing and flowing in entrepreneurial gigs that provided no benefits, no certainly. But hey, if we have learned one thing up to this point, God always, always has our back and our best interests at heart. So we needed to process and trust and plan anew.
Truth talks with my client happened, that had to happen, because I do believe, honestly and beautifully that we are here to encourage, educate and enlighten one another. I spoke my piece about integrity and the essential nature of open communication and compassionate business. She listened, although time will tell if she hears. Could I have taken action based on our signed contract? Many asked if I would. Yes, I suppose I could, but that simply isn’t my way. I believe in abundance, not scarcity. I spoke my truth and then told she and her partner that they could decide if they would at least honour the hours I had incurred to date. If yes, great. If not, so be it. Done. And I felt so free. Giddy actually. For as you can imagine, I knew I no longer wanted to continue with a person who’s values were so very opposite from my own.
Todd came home the day I received the call, sat beside me on the couch and said, “Oh Jenni I’m thrilled. You get that God is calling you to the work you are really meant to do, NOW, right?”
Oh Yes baby, I get it NOW. Wham.
And Todd’s company has been fantastic. He has been offered a wonderful package to see the school through to closing and an opportunity to take on a president position in Southern Ontario in a year. And, he will finally get to fulfill another dream, to complete his MBA.
Wham. And hey, thanks Universe. You ROCK!
In the midst of chaos, the centered souls of compassion and hope and love find you and sweetly carry you through, if only you will let them.
The miracles of friendship and learning and inspiration have been limitless throughout this time, although perhaps they are just learning of their impact as they read this. 🙂
Beautiful Laura Simonson, of Modern Vegan Family,
you are the soul’s answer to a whispered request for a true and passionate friend.
This month in hope of spreading the word about her extraordinary biz and vision for a healthy, vegucated, vibrant, vital community and planet, I started a Veg Explorers group in T-Bay and we took Vegan out for a full spin. Every Tuesday, Laura Google-Hanged with us, encouraging, enlightening, inspiring and healing us with her ideas and delicious, delightful meat-replacement opps. Wow. We met kindred souls who joined us on the journey, and our two little guys and Todd and I have embraced this health shift and we’re loving it. Bless you for being the change and then empowering us to change too.
Please visit Modern Vegan Family (Don’t Forget Fido) to learn more about how you too can embrace a Vibrant Veg Life or enhance whatever healthy lifestyle you’ve got flowing now.
Joyous, jubilant Judy Armstrong, singer, inspirer, soul friend.
One day I opened my mailbox to find a thick, heavy package filled to the brim with glorious CDs of Judy’s music. She and her husband have touched the hearts of our children, Bruce the Moose, runs through my head as I write. And your angelic message of love has enriched my world beyond words.
Please visit Judy’s Website, to learn more about Judy’s amazing journey of heart and voice so that you too can be uplifted.
Erin Osesky, for a talk shared that rekindled a belief in the stories of soul that I need to share with the world. Your sparkle is second to none and I am blissed and blessed that in marrying Todd I gain in you a friend, a cuz and a true sister of soul.
Wham, and Wahhhooo!
Be Cool with the Cave Cause You’ll Come Out Conscious and Clear and Creative and Ready to Dazzle the World in New and Wondrous Ways
So why did I seem to abandon my vision for writing for 365 days to reveal the world of a LifeSchooling mom? Two reasons.
1. When the going gets rough, I get IN… or go IN rather.
It’s always been that way, from the time I was a little girl. I didn’t like this about me for the first few weeks, I was shirking my responsibility to you (as I saw it then), but WHAM. I get it. It is one of those things I own about me now and I like it or I’d toss it. I need to process, get with God and then deliver. And it’s always worth the wait!
2. And then there are times when you share in the midst, because hey, maybe another person has an answer you’re not privy to yet. (Exception to each and every rule).
This blogging thing is tough.
Not the writing part, but the promo part and the silly trick that your ego plays on you as you check the stats.
Honestly, there are moments when I ask myself why I continue this blog. I’ve had 40 people signed up for the last 6 months, not one single more. Stay with me, this isn’t a pity party I promise. True, as my husband reminds me, many more read it although they aren’t signed up, but in my life I’ve only done what flowed easily. I work like a dog to create and communicate, but when I unleash ideas into the Universe, folks line up at the door to get in and I am wowed with the perfection of it all.
Pure physics really. To learn more about that, check out Bruce Lipton’s The Honeymoon Effect. Wow.
My blog just hasn’t flowed like that…at least not yet.
I see blogs that have thousands of followers that have poor quality messages and poor writing or gimmicks and gizmos galore. I get the pr gig, it is my training, but I believe it is possible to do it another way, by word of mouth and consistent quality and powerful messages. With so little time with my kiddies and a true desire to share my message with the world, I wonder if the moments spent here may be better served by being poured into a book. Hmm? I want to serve people who long to hear, with a message that resonates, uplifts, inspires, even drives them to higher heights within their own lives. I do this when I’m on stage, when I speak, when I share a message that I am passionate about, but this blog doesn’t seem to reach many and I can’t see the results it is having, truly…not for a quick fix, but a life jolt for lasting effect. Don’t have an answer here, but this is what I am meditating on right now.
I believed in launching this that I would be able to interact with people more, about the topics, hear their ideas, engage in community… there is something about my work, my writing that isn’t sparking this. If you’ve got insights, sweet, harsh or otherwise, as always…I’ll put it out there for your comments. Still hoping this may work on some level to make you put thoughts to the page in a comment to me.
Regardless of where this flows from here…
Wow What a Ride… Wham!
I’ve honed my writing muscle.
I’ve learned to get real
and share of heart
rather than just words and lists n’ tips
like is so typical in our world today.
This has empowered me to grow
in countless ways
and each reader, each comment, each inspired message
I have received has fueled the passions within me.
For this I am eternally grateful.
Bless you for sticking with me.
May these Gems resonate, reverberate and rekindle a knowing within you all your own.
To building a community of mentors, lifers, movers and shakers that will see the lessons in the train wrecks of life and Wham…see the light that comes pouring from within when we are cracked wide and open for anything.