If we look within, really look within, we all know we want to live Centered lives, lives in which we respond versus react, think before we speak, measure the outcome before we march. Sometimes we are stellar at this, sometimes not so much.
Can we BE centered in every moment, in every circumstance? Well, we know it is simply a CHOICE to become and remain centered, but ooooohhhh when we’re off kilter and the kiddies are pushing our buttons (because we’ve given them the remote control), THIS can be the most extraordinary challenge of our lives.
And yet, we KNOW full well, that in order to ignite understanding,
to bring about the peace we all say we long for, it begins at the very beginning, with US.
We cannot bring about a thing we are not willing to commit to first.
The Maki home is pretty drama free, pretty solid on the whole commitment-to-peace-n-delivery gig. I own a biz called Project YES! Life and have dedicated a lifetime to studying and delivering inspiring ideas to bring us closer to not only knowing what our true and purposeful YES! is, but empowering people, teams, companies, communities to ante up and go for it! I facilitate a workshop called, Speaking Your Truth From Center (a hot one in the workplace). I aim daily to live authentically, otherwise there is no chance I can inspire authentically…and one day, I gotta KNOW if I’m out of integrity that my kids, they are going to shine a big ole light on FACT (with a therapist or the world, and maybe both).
So… while we aim for dead-center daily, some days we miss the target altogether.
This is when the greatest learning, the real-stuff of life, comes up and
we roll up our sleeves, cross those legs, bow those heads and
get busy going IN to come OUT
with ideas for NEXT TIME.
This was yesterday. Liam and Nathaniel were off-the-wall-goofy (you might say, acting like the quintessential 4 & 6-year-olds they are), but I was less equipped to focus on who they really are and got allll caught up in who they were acting like. And mannnn did they play me. They, were begging me to lead, to keep it together. All I wanted to do was go to bed. How do they beg you? They test. They test and they test and they test and they hope (somewhere deep down inside) that you can show them how to get a hold of their own stuff, by demonstrating how you keep a hold of yours. Yesterday, their leader laid down the gauntlet for a moment and showed them just how human she is. I got cross. I used harsh tones (no yelling, but a whole lotta under-the-surface emotional reactivity ~ a bang-on term used by the Scream-Free Parenting Institute). But what was really bad, in the sense of initiating sadness and hurt, was really quite a simple thing… the look in my eye told them a whole story I had never, ever, intended.
Liam, after taking the time I asked him to in his room to center, came back to the living room to sit beside me.
“Liam, what is happening inside you my love?”
The tears welled and spilled and his tiny hands raised to his eyes to rub them in, away. “Mommy it is just when you speak to me like that, that I feel like right then, you want me to be a different kid than I am.”
My heart nearly burst and it took everything in me to not jump in and save him, to assure him, to hold him, but I just knew there was more.
“Mommy, it is that, when you get mad at me, I feel like there is this huge brick on me, holding me down and I have boo boos all over me.”
I listened. I let is all sink in. I made myself not cave thinking about me, about how I had failed. I focused on being with Liam, with his pain, with his truth in this.
“Liam can I talk with you about this?”
“Liam, first I just want to tell you how grateful I am that you talk to me, that you share just what is in your heart. We will go through so many things together in this lifetime and it is such a blessing that we can talk. I am amazed by you and how you can share right from your heart.
Now Liam, do you know how much I love you?”
“Yes, of course Mommy.”
“I am so sorry that anything I would say or do would ever make you feel that way. I am sorry I got mad. I am sorry that it made you feel like I want you to be someone other than who you are. I don’t want you to be anyone else. We talk lots about this, but you KNOW that I think you are perfect as you are. We are all perfect in who we are, but sometimes the way we act isn’t really in keeping with who we really are. Does that make sense?
“I think so.”
“What I mean is, I am a person who tries her very best to love you with all her heart, and show you through her actions. When I am centered, when I am calm, I do this very well. This is when my heart is in charge, when I’m listening to that God-essence within me. And then, when I’m off-center, I’m still that person, but I say or do things that aren’t in keeping with who I really am. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, Mommy. I’m loving, but today I wasn’t acting very loving with you.”
“Yes, and you are still and always will be my perfect soul-full Liam. You and Mommy won’t always say or do the things that are in line with that Divine essence, but we can find ways to get back to Center can’t we? What do you think we can do to help ourselves and each other get back to Center when we are feeling lost?”
We talked and talked and talked… and below is the list of Things We Can Do To Find Our Way Home to Self and Center. I hope that this sharing spoke to you, inspired you somehow. I know I learned so very much about myself in this. I am perfect as I am, but in those moments when I am not centered, when I lose sight of who I Divinely am and what I am trying to create here for my children, even for a second, I have opportunity to talk with my children and together we will find a way to more.
10 Centering Tips to Bring You Home
9. Play a guitar ~ or any instrument that strikes a cord with you 🙂
8. Light a candle
7. Look at pictures that remind you of loving people and times spent together
6. Play a game
5. Listen to, or watch something that makes you laugh
3. Smile even when it hurts
2. Sit in your Peaceful Place (we have a special beanbag chair, but it could be anywhere)
1. And our #1 way to bring us back to Center is… (drum roll please…)
Is to play I SEE YOU. In this you get nice and close to the person, look right into their eyes, right through their eyes into their heart, their soul and SEE them, SEE their perfection, SEE that Divine light of God and then… you’ll know just what to do to bring each other home to that place, that home.
Liam and I wish you many moments of SEEing those around you with new eyes and finding ways to bring each other home to peace.
For those new to LifeSchool Inc., you can find our Maki Mantra (another navigation tool we use to guide us back to Center) at Transforming Values To Daily Action.
jenni & Liam